So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
