and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
