We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
