I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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