My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
