My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize