Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
