If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
