my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
