Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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