when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
