dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
