So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize