Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
