Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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