i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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