her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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