i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
