I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
