considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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