I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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