You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
