One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
