I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
