We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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