Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
