the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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