I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize