i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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