Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
