Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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