I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
not ubering you a puppy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
