Already got asked if we're dating
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In America we eat man semen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
