The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
