my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
