just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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