i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize