I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He better not be in your backpack
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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