Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
