Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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