had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
