I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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