Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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