You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
there is glitter all over my balls
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
