bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
