Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
