sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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