its not stalking. its research.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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