Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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