U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
