All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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