We won't sleep together?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
