I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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