Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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