i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
