At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
