Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
