history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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