I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
