I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
