I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
