I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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