first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
