never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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