He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize